Let’s be honest, rest doesn’t come easily to many of us. Even when we know we need it, something deep inside whispers (or sometimes shouts) that we should be doing something else, something productive. It’s that little pang of guilt when you sit down with a cup of tea, or the restless feeling that creeps in when you take a much-needed break. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. This phenomenon, rest guilt, is something so many of us experience, and in a world that glorifies being busy, it's no surprise. But why do we feel this way? And, more importantly, how do we let it go and truly embrace rest?
Where Rest Guilt Comes From
Rest guilt isn’t something we’re born with, it’s learned, shaped by our upbringing, our experiences, and the world around us.
Childhood Messages and Early Experiences
Think back to your childhood, what messages did you pick up about rest? Many of us were raised with the idea that hard work equals worth. Maybe you had parents who were always on the go, or perhaps you were praised when you were being "helpful" and chastised when you were lounging about. Phrases like “You can play or rest when the work is done” make it sound like rest is a reward rather than a necessity. Even doing something that for many is essential recouperation, reading, playing video games or even napping, may have been frowned upon as "being lazy" But here’s the thing: the work is never really done. There’s always something else that could be ticked off the to-do list, meaning rest keeps getting pushed further and further away.
The Hustle Culture Trap
Fast forward to adulthood, and society doubles down on these beliefs. We live in a world that celebrates the "drive to keep doing" as a badge of honour. How often do we hear people humble-brag about how exhausted they are, as if it’s proof of how valuable and successful they must be?
For marginalised groups, this pressure can be even more intense. Studies show that people from underrepresented backgrounds often feel they need to work twice as hard just to be taken seriously. The constant need to prove oneself can make rest feel like an unaffordable luxury rather than a basic human need (Mental Health UK).
Why Our Brains Struggle with Rest
On a psychological level, rest guilt is deeply tied to how we see ourselves.
Perfectionism and the Fear of Falling Behind
For many, rest guilt comes hand-in-hand with perfectionism. If you feel like you should always be working, improving, or achieving; so stopping, even for a moment, can feel like failing. But perfectionism is a trap; it keeps moving the goal posts so you never actually feel “done” enough to deserve rest.
The Brain on Burnout
The irony? When we deny ourselves rest, our productivity (the thing we were trying to protect) actually plummets. Chronic stress and exhaustion affect our cognitive function, memory, and emotional regulation. According to a report by The Mental Health Foundation, 74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point in the past year that they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope. Burnout isn’t just an inconvenience, it’s a full-blown crisis that affects mental and physical health.
The Cost of Ignoring Rest
We often push through exhaustion thinking we’re “getting things done,” but at what cost? The consequences of this chronic need to be busy, go far beyond just feeling tired.
Physical Health Consequences
Long-term stress increases the risk of heart disease, weakens the immune system, and even affects digestion. Our bodies need time to recover and repair, and when we don’t allow it, we pay the price.
Mental Health and Emotional Burnout
Without adequate rest, anxiety, depression, and burnout can take hold. Research from Mind UK indicates that around 1 in 4 people in England will experience a mental health problem each year, and stress is a major contributing factor. Sleep deprivation and chronic stress are directly linked to increased rates of mental health struggles.
The Impact on Relationships
Ever snapped at a loved one just because you were exhausted? When we’re constantly running on empty, we struggle to show up for the people we care about. We become irritable, detached, and less present in our relationships. Rest isn’t just for us, it helps us to better maintain those relationships that are truly important to us.
How to Let Go of Rest Guilt and Actually Enjoy Rest
Okay, so we know rest is important. But how do we actually do it without that nagging guilt creeping in? Here are a few ways to reframe rest and integrate it into daily life:
1. Reframe Rest as Productive
One of the most powerful shifts is realising that rest is not the opposite of productivity—it’s part of it. Studies show that regular breaks improve focus, problem-solving skills, and creativity. By resting, you’re actually making yourself more effective in the long run.
2. Challenge the “Should” Statements
Start noticing those internal thoughts that tell you, “I should be working,” “I should be doing something more useful.” Ask yourself, says who? Rest is useful. Feeling human is useful. If you wouldn’t judge a friend for taking a break, why do it to yourself?
3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Many of us don’t intend to work ourselves into exhaustion—it just kind of happens. That’s why setting firm boundaries is crucial:
Define work hours (and don’t answer emails outside of them!)
Schedule breaks as non-negotiable
Unplug from digital distractions (Doomscrolling is not rest!)
4. Start with Small, Guilt-Free Rest Breaks
If the idea of a full day off makes you twitchy, start smaller. Give yourself permission to take a proper lunch break. Read for fun. Watch that show without also answering emails. Remind yourself that rest doesn’t need to be earned.
5. Make Rest a Habit, Not a Last Resort
Waiting until you're completely burnt out to rest is like waiting until you're dehydrated to drink water—it’s too late! Build rest into your routine before you need it. Prioritise sleep, make time for hobbies, and honour your body’s signals before exhaustion takes over.
6. Seek Support If Rest Feels Impossible
For some, the guilt around rest runs deep. If you find it really hard to switch off, therapy can be a great space to explore why. Sometimes, these struggles are linked to early experiences or deep-seated self-worth issues that need unpicking with professional support.
7. Be Kind To Yourself
Ultimately, there will be times when things need to be done, and there will be times we will feel guilty about not doing things. This, isn't a pass/fail assignment. You can still have these feelings and you haven't got it wrong. Just be gentle with yourself. You are feeling guilty for taking a break, let yourself know, it's OK to feel that way, we do feel a lot of pressure, but it's also OK to have the break. Build this relationship of kindness with yourself and allow yourself to feel that too.
Rest Is a Right, Not a Reward
Rest isn’t a treat you get for working yourself into the ground—it’s something you deserve simply by existing. It makes you healthier, happier, and ultimately, more human. So the next time that little voice pipes up, telling you to “just do one more thing” instead of resting, remind yourself: You are allowed to stop. You are worthy of rest. And the world will keep turning even if you take a break.
Now, go make that cup of tea, put your feet up, and actually enjoy it.
Comments