
Trauma responses are deeply ingrained survival mechanisms, designed to keep us safe when we perceive danger. But when trauma lingers, whether from a single distressing event or prolonged exposure to stress, our bodies and minds can get stuck in these patterns, even when the threat is no longer present. This can then impact our daily lives, relationships, and sense of self.
In therapy, I’ve worked with many individuals who have struggled with these responses, often without realising why they react the way they do. Understanding trauma responses is a crucial first step in healing, as it allows us to recognise what’s happening within us and begin to regain control.
The Four F’s: Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn
When we experience a threat, real or perceived, our nervous system activates survival responses, governed by the autonomic nervous system (ANS). While many are familiar with "fight or flight," there are actually four main trauma responses:
1. Fight – Facing the Threat Head-On
The fight response is about self-preservation through confrontation. This might mean physically defending yourself, but in modern life, it often shows up as:
Feeling easily irritated or quick to anger
A strong need to control situations or people
Defensiveness or aggression when feeling threatened
Difficulty letting go of arguments or perceived injustices
In therapy, I often see individuals who have learned that strength equals survival, sometimes leading to difficulties with conflict, trust, or emotional regulation.
2. Flight – Running from Danger
The flight response is all about escape. If fight doesn’t feel like an option, the body prepares to run—sometimes physically, but often mentally or emotionally. This can manifest as:
Avoidance of confrontation or difficult emotions
Perfectionism or overworking to maintain control
Restlessness, anxiety, or feeling like you always have to "do something"
Difficulty staying present in conversations or relationships
People stuck in a flight response often feel overwhelmed but struggle to slow down. Therapy can help explore what’s driving the need to "keep moving" and develop healthier ways to feel safe.
3. Freeze – Becoming Stuck or Numb
The freeze response happens when neither fight nor flight seems possible. The body shuts down to minimize harm, which can look like:
Feeling disconnected from yourself or surroundings (dissociation)
Struggling to make decisions or take action
Feeling emotionally numb or detached
Procrastination or chronic indecision
Freeze is particularly common in people who have experienced childhood trauma or long-term stress, as their nervous system has learned to “pause” to survive. Therapy can help gently reconnect with emotions and the body, moving towards healing at a pace that feels safe.
4. Fawn – People-Pleasing as a Survival Mechanism
The fawn response is often linked to relational trauma, especially when safety depended on pleasing others. However, it can also develop in any situation where appeasement became the safest way to survive. This response manifests as:
Difficulty saying no, even when overwhelmed
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
Prioritising others' needs at the expense of your own
Fear of conflict or abandonment
Many people in therapy discover they have spent years fawning without realising it. Healing often involves learning to set boundaries, reconnecting with personal needs, and challenging the fear that saying "no" will lead to rejection.
Our Brains and Trauma

Our brains have different areas responsible for various actions and responses. One part is our limbic system responsible for keeping us safe. Within this system is a small structure called the amygdala, sometimes referred to as the brain’s smoke detector. It constantly scans for danger and, if it detects a threat, it sounds the alarm, sending signals to the rest of the body to prepare for survival.
When the amygdala detects danger, it sends a signal to the hypothalamus, which activates the HPA axis (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal axis). This process triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing the body for fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This response is incredibly helpful if we’re actually in danger, for example, if we need to jump out of the way of a speeding woolly mammoth.
Most of the time, after detecting a potential threat, the brain checks in with the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking and decision-making. This allows us to assess: Is this an actual danger, or just someone burning toast? If no real threat exists, the prefrontal cortex helps calm the amygdala and return the body to a regulated state.
However, in times of extreme stress, the amygdala can override the prefrontal cortex, triggering an automatic survival response before we’ve had time to think. This is why, in moments of panic or fear, we might "act on instinct" or struggle to think clearly.
For people who’ve experienced repeated trauma, such as childhood neglect, abuse, bullying, or ongoing stress, the amygdala can become overactive. Instead of scanning for occasional threats, it stays on high alert, constantly looking for danger, even when none is there. It’s like a smoke alarm that goes off at the slightest provocation, even a gentle breeze can set it off..
As a result, everyday situations—like a loud noise, a certain tone of voice, or a difficult conversation—might trigger intense fear, panic, or emotional shutdown.
Living in this constant survival mode can feel exhausting. It can make it harder to regulate emotions, trust others, or feel safe in relationships. People often find themselves stuck in hyperarousal (high alert, anxious, restless, easily startled) feeling constantly on edge, irritable, or overwhelmed, or hypoarousal (shut down, disconnected, numb) feeling emotionally flat, withdrawn, or unable to engage. This is commonly referred to as living outside out window of tolerance
Window of Tolerance
The Window of Tolerance, introduced by Dr Dan Siegel in 1999, is a way to understand how we manage stress and emotions. Imagine it as an emotional comfort zone—when we’re inside this window, we feel balanced, in control, and able to handle life’s challenges without becoming overwhelmed.
But when we experience trauma, our window can shrink, making it harder to stay within that comfort zone. Small stressors can feel huge, and our emotions can swing between two extremes:
1. Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight )
When we go above our window, it’s like pressing the gas pedal too hard. The body floods with stress hormones, putting us into a fight-or-flight response. This can feel like:
Anxiety or panic
Racing thoughts
Feeling constantly "on edge"
Anger or irritability
Restlessness, feeling like you need to escape
It’s as if the body is preparing to fight off a threat—even if there isn’t one.
2. Hypoarousal (Freeze or Fawn)
When we drop below our window, it’s like the system shuts down. This is the freeze or fawn response, where we become numb or disconnected. Signs of hypoarousal include:
Feeling emotionally "flat" or empty
Brain fog, difficulty concentrating
Dissociation (feeling detached from yourself or the world)
Exhaustion or heaviness in the body
Going along with what others want to avoid conflict (fawn response)
This is the body’s way of playing dead—a survival strategy when fight or flight isn’t possible.

How Therapy Can Help with Trauma Responses
Healing from trauma is not about "fixing" yourself—you were never broken. It’s about creating a space where you can explore your responses with curiosity, rather than judgment. Here’s how therapy can help:
1. Recognising & Naming Patterns
Many people come to therapy unaware that their responses are rooted in past trauma. Identifying these patterns is the first step in regaining control.
2. Regulating the Nervous System
Therapy provides tools like grounding exercises, breathwork, and movement to help soothe the nervous system and shift out of survival mode.
3. Processing Trauma at a Safe Pace
Trauma therapy is not about reliving distressing events but processing them in a way that allows for healing. This includes spending time looking at the events, but in a way that gives space to recognise how it impacts us, physically and emotionally, in a safe space, and being able to take a step back as needed.
4. Rebuilding a Sense of Safety
Therapy offers a safe space to learn self-compassion, set boundaries, and develop healthier coping mechanisms that don’t rely on survival responses.
5. Expanding Your Window of Tolerance
By practicing emotional regulation techniques, therapy helps make stress more manageable, so you’re not constantly swinging between hyperarousal and shutdown.

If any of these responses feel familiar, know that you’re not alone—and you’re not "overreacting" or "lazy" or "too sensitive." Your brain and body have learned to protect you in the best way they could. Therapy is about gently untangling these responses and helping you move towards a life where you feel more in control, more present, and more at ease.
If you're ready to explore this, I’d love to support you. Whether you’ve experienced trauma recently or it’s something that’s been with you for years, you deserve the space to heal.
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